…when just nothing makes sense and you feel like “what am I doing?”, “why am I doing it?”, “and who the hell am I?!”.
Basically these days I am trying to cope. With everything.
So apparently, when you are in the Quarter system time seems to pass really quickly when you come to the end of the term. And now it is just another 3 weeks. And I have a project on the US media coverage on the Kosovo conflict, a presentation as the representative of the Nile Basin Initiative, a paper on water issues between Israel and Palestine, and another (!) 4hour exam in political economy coming up. And even more astonishing: in one and a half weeks we have Advent 1st!
Still when waking up and reading, writing, studying in my room or at university I feel like I am not getting anywhere. It is time for a chance and luckily I have some travelling coming up in December. I am really looking forward to seeing Jana again for Christmas. Even though at the same time, I also wish I could go to a Christmas market and enjoy Christmas back home. But you cannot have both. And going to Fiji seems definitely like the better choice! At least for this year…
Also New York is coming up. And my plan is to walk up and down the streets staring at the Christmas lights. If there is a live camera on Rockefeller Center, there is a high chance you will see me standing there all day long. It will be something different exploring a city totally on my own. But I have done some independent travelling in New Zealand 2011 as well and I had a great time!
Looking back at the past weeks I have to say that I had some pretty good moments, especially on Bainbridge Island with Jeannette and Dick. But also with international friends and newly made friends. But still, I also had some pretty hard moments or even days. I feel I could “do better” living and enjoying my stay in the U.S. but sometimes things just don’t go the way you wish them to be. Overall, I have hoped to overcome some of my fears and “issues” that I have developed over the past year (as some of you might know). And after all, I am right here in “Twilight territory”, so anything goes, right?
Oh and breaking news from back home. We have an additional family member: a small hedgehog that I named Friedolin. (If it is a girl, we don’t really know that right now, it can be changed to Frieda. Yes, I know: smart thinking of me!) He will stay with my parents and our dog Alena over winter. Alena is totally happy, because it means she will get some cat food as well.
I am sorry for this rather inconvenient post, actually no I am not. Because “finding” something and exploring also is about frustration and despair (like when you really need that chocolate and you cannot figure out where it went…probably the fridge). So I am sorry to destroy your illusion that the U.S. is paradise, at least not for me. I mean I love the Pacific Northwest and I wish I could actually get out there more often. (But without a car it is kind of hard) And the States have the Cheesecake Factory – I give them credit for that. But I don’t own my own house or could manage to become a millionaire by washing dishes. But hey, I have another 4 months to go for it. And then my whole life to continue with this quest (no, I am not referring to becoming a millionaire, I was more thinking about these philosophical questions..).